ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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