there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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