His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
