Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
