I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
