By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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