perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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