her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
