I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize