Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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