i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
