you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
