Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
