Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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