in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize