My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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