Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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