You're my little dorito
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
