This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
