The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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