Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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