Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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