My nipple is on Facebook.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
