Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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