Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
