your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
