you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
