The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize