is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
