Have you finally orgasmed yet?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
