You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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