I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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