he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
