six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just high enough for therapy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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