Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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