That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
