in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
