At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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