at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
God I need to hump something, right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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