Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
