ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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