So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
