okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Boobs speak an international language.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
