3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
