is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
