Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
