She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
