READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Say something about gay babies.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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