Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
