getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
