I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
