nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
