mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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