You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize