I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
