Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize