My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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