the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
