I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
