I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
