In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
