your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
