Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I did not marry a roomba.
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