New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
