the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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