You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
