i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
