Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
