I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
