he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
