She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
