i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
