I'm lost and stupid without you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
