Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
