I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize