Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Houston, we have a squirter
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
